ACHTUNG, BABY!

[lillbet]

Swine flu has us in a tizzy here. Finally. In the office, they took all the glasses and mugs out of the kitchen, so we're now back to styrofoam cups. Which sucks for the environment, but apparently that's less important than natural selection taking out the sick or something. We've been told to call out sick if we must. And we got this news release via Roll Call- apparently interns are not only arbiters of questionable fashion, but also lil' disease carrying bastards:

The Senate Sergeant at Arms, Terrance W. Gainer, requested that the Gallery Director forward his H1N1 Flu related release. Please note the recommended precautions by the Office of the Attending Physician.

I am writing to let the Senate community know that the Senate Page Program is reporting that five of our summer pages are exhibiting flu-like symptoms—slightly elevated temperature, cough, and sore throats – and the Office of Attending Physician believes that they most likely have influenza, quite possibly the H1N1 virus. The Office of Attending Physician (and the vast majority of outside doctors) are not testing for the virus right now since the test itself is uncomfortable and the results of the test will not alter the treatment plan. The pages are resting comfortably apart from their peers and will not be allowed to return to work until cleared by the Physician’s Office. While it is not unusual for several pages in a class of 50 to be ill at any given time, we are aware that the flu is of particular concern to our community right now.

The Office of the Attending Physician is closely monitoring the situation and does not believe that further actions on the part of the Senate Community are necessary at this time. If that changes, we will let you know. This is a good time, however, to remind all of you that flu season, and the expected stronger return of the H1N1 virus, is coming, particularly as colleges and schools resume in the fall. We ask all of you to continue to take precautions, including frequent hand washing and sanitizing, staying home if you feel ill, and ensuring that you and your colleagues are prepared to work from home if a pandemic flu strikes this area. We encourage all of you to review the excellent material on the flu available on the Office of the Attending Physician’s website on Webster at Senate.gov.

Translation: "THE APOCALYPSE. IT IS COMING!"

Comments

[gahdzuks.livejournal.com]

*sings* "It's the eeeend of the woooooorld as we know it, and I feel fiiiiiiine!"
*coughs*
Or maybe not.

If I get Mexican Pig AIDS I'm going to be quite annoyed.

[lillbet.livejournal.com]

You and me both. I don't CARE how cool it is since Rupert Grint survived it, I NO WANNA GET SICK!

[gahdzuks.livejournal.com]

Rupert Grint survived because he's actually Ron Weasley pretending to be Rupert Grint pretending to be Ron Weasley. It's all very complicated, but the short of it is that he used magic.

BRB- dying. Of LAUGHTER.

[lillbet.livejournal.com]

Can I choose someone to be me and die in my stead? If so, I'd like Paris Hilton, plz.

Well, not really. No one deserves that...

[gahdzuks.livejournal.com]

Dying of laughter does not constitute an actual demise. You merely pass out from lack of oxygen and then wake back up a few minutes later with a few brain cells missing. If indeed Paris took your place, I'm afraid she'd wake up a zombie, as she has only so many brain cells remaining. But since Paris shambling around moaning about braaaaaaaiiinnz would actually be an improvement, I figure we can fudge the rules and let her take your place.